1. Time ur updates carefully. For example, don't post
on Friday or Saturday evenings, when people r most likely to be out.
People think that they r supposed to be having ‘fun’ at those
times—even if they r in, they r unlikely to make this known.
2. Limit the frequency of ur updates.
If u post all the time, people will start ignoring ur
posts—sometimes quite literally. On the other hand, if u post only
occasionally, they will be happy to hear from u and rush to
acknowledge ur existence and reaffirm their bond to u. It’s the
difference between meeting an old acquaintance every day versus once in a
blue moon. Another benefit of posting only occasionally is that people
will think that ur update means a lot to u.
3. Post about only mildly positive things.
Post about mildly positive things that r (a) not beyond the reach of
most people and (b) both good and bad at the same time with a definite
if hidden potential downside. Good examples are birthdays, graduating
from college, getting a job, buying a house, or getting married. By the
same token, it is better to graduate from college with tolerably good
marks than with a flying distinction. Basically, avoid making people
feel envious
or insecure, or like they r being left behind. Unless u can pin it
down to luck or long suffering, posting about any real achievement is
definitely a very bad idea.
4. Be self-deprecating. This not only encourages
people to come to ur rescue, but also removes the sting from any envy
or insecurity that u might have created by showing off. Even if people
can see right through u, they will usually appreciate ur efforts to
pretend to spare their feelings.
5. Ask for advice.
Few people can resist giving advice. Try to limit urself to topics
that r trivial and universal so that everybody can give it a go.
6. Jump onto a bandwagon. If something is in the headlines (for example, sports or celebrity gossip),
make sure to bring this up, or, even better, ask a question about it.
People will already have given it some thought, and will be keen to
share their two pennies' worth.
7. Make ur updates short. People don’t have time
to read through rambling or badly written updates or to click through to
another website. And if they do, they will be very reluctant to admit
it. Busy-ness is happiness.
8. Use a wingman.
Get one of ur friends to immediately like ur update and say
something very emphatic about it. This not only gives the impression
that there is something to the update but also puts others under
competitive pressure to be generous.
9. Attract sympathy. Complain about something like having the flu or working through the weekend. People will queue to come stroke u.
10. Make people feel really sorry for u.
This is related to but not quite the same as number 9. Say something
really pathetic to make people feel sorry for u, then watch them jump
to ur rescue.
11. Get hammered. Say u got
completely drunk, or write as though u r under the influence. This
is always very popular, maybe because u have made a bit of a fool of urself.
12. Post something cute. If all else
fails, a picture of a baby, kitten, puppy etc. is bound to get everybody
going. Especially effective is a baby or animal acting like a human
adult. Noone ever lost out peddling vulnerability.
